School Decisions
Friday, August 13, 2010
In a few weeks the school buses will roll and another school year will begin. For many families the decision of where their child will get their education is a big issue. Adoptive families frequently look at this decision long with many others through a slightly different lens.
These are some of the comments that I have heard recently.
“After all we went through I want to be SURE that they get the best education possible,” one mother shared a few weeks ago. “I just don’t know where to send her.”
“The public schools in our area are so supportive of adoption. I know that my child will do well.”
“My son is already having a difficult time feeling like he belongs in our family. I hesitate to send him into another stressful situation.”
“I’d like to home school but I’m not sure that I can do it.”
I know adoptive families who have chosen to send their children to public school. Others who have sent theirs to private school. And some who have made the commitment to home school.
There is no perfect way. In making the decision parents are wise to know their child and consider the environment in which they will best learn. Children who have been adopted sometimes struggle with learning issues or have identity issues. The informed parent studies the options and works to meet the needs of their child. Visit the schools in your area. Talk to the principals and teachers. Speak with others who have adopted children attending schools in your area.
Then carefully and prayerfully decide. Get involved in the education of your children. Volunteer. Lend a hand. Be supportive. Stay involved.
Make this year the best year of your child’s life. In doing so you will be teaching your child to value education and helping him to become a lifelong learner.
Sometimes talking this decision over with a coach helps. If I can help give me a call at 540-825-1134.
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The Risk
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
“But it’s such a risk,” people said. “You have no idea what you will get.”
“What if…?”
“But you can’t return it,”
“How will you know?”
These are just a few of the questions and statements that I heard as I prepared to adopt. It is true. Adoption is a risk. But life is a risk. From the moment when you get up in the morning and get out of bed, it’s a risk. So pointing out the fact of the risk did not phase me.
I tend to be conservative. I don’t like roller coasters or change or sky diving. But I might just try a hot air balloon ride or a new food or a new adventure. All that is to say that we choose our risks and mine are usually low risks.
But when I saw a little face with eyes that were sad I knew that she was worth the risk. She was trapped in a system and helpless to save herself. So I left to travel halfway around the world to give her a love that would last forever and a family.
“How will you ever raise her?,” the large Russian nurse said looking down at me from her towering height. At the time I had no idea what she meant. I stretched my full 5 foot 1 and ½ inches, looked up at her and said, “I’ll do fine, thank you.” Inside though, I quivered wondering what she meant.
It was a risk.
Again seven years later I stepped out and took another risk.
“You don’t want to do that,” I was advised by doctors looking over the medical.
“But, yes I do,” I argued. “I believe that she is the child that I have been looking for.”
And she was. Healthy in every way. Full of personality. It’s been right.
Life is a risk. Adoption is a risk. Precious children wait while we debate the riskiness of the situation.
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You Are Mine
Monday, July 26, 2010
“I just don’t think I could raise someone else’s child,” she said shaking her head with fear. This middle aged woman who had struggled with infertility for years was considering adoption.
I remember feeling so sad.
She had not yet seen the power of love in action. I too had always expected to get married and have children. From the time I was 5 playing with my dolls I planned on having at least a half a dozen of my own children. But the years came and went and my life unfolded in a different way.
Both times I adopted I knew my daughters were gifts from God. I often thought about their beginnings and the women who gave birthed them. I knew that they were His little ones. And my calling to raise them was clear.
Day after day love drew our hearts together with an incredible bond.
A few years ago while at the beach I was working on a children’s story. Jenny, my youngest, came over and asked me what I was writing. She is always curious.
“Well, it is called “You Are Mine” I said to her.
“Read it to me” she begged. “Please.” So I began.
“Once there was a little girl who needed a Mommy…”
Before I could get any further she burst out laughing.
“That’s about me,” she squealed with delight. “Right, Mommy?”
“Yes, honey. You are mine.” We rubbed noses and then she skipped off to play. I watched her for a while. It had taken her awhile to bond with me having adopted her as a toddler. But when she did it has been so beautiful.
Now when I speak with folks who are thinking about possibly adopting that memory comes to mind. You see, love always makes a way. In the parent and in the child.
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Russian Rainbows
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Recently my oldest daughter started a project of making bracelets. She named her business Russian Rainbows. It has been exciting seeing the interest grow.
I will let her tell you about it herself.
~ Russian Rainbows ~
By: Noelle Brani:)
I've been making these bracelets for about a year as a simple past time. When I gave them to people they really liked them. Requests started coming in and I was thrilled.
After praying about it I decided to sell them for $1 each and send any money I would make to missionaries in Russia.
Write me and let me know how many you would like and any color preferences.
-You can order a bracelet through my Russian Rainbows Facebook page or leave a message here.Posted in Adoption , Inspirational : 3 Comments
The Power of Remembering
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Last week I shared with all of you the importance of forgetting. Healing oftentimes involves forgetting those things which burden and hinder the forming of healthy bonds.
Along with the importance of forgetting we must also be aware of the importance of remembering. Lately I have been remembering alot. Maybe its my Mom’s upcoming birthday and missing her or maybe its just nostalgia but my mind has been traveling down yesterday’s roads. The sights and sounds of summertime arouse memories which I don’t ever want to forget. But more than all of these is the day that I saw each of my daughter’s for the very first time.
It’s engraved in my mind the day that I was given a small colored photo of a little baby wrapped in a blanket. What struck me were her deep, serious eyes.
“She needs to smile,” I said. From that moment on I wasn’t able to get that picture out of my mind. Love drew me to her and within weeks I brought Noelle home. Quickly she bonded with me and was lighting up the world with laughter and love. Quickly her big brown eyes were alive and filled with hope. But that first picture. Oh, it spoke loudly to my heart. I will always remember.
I remember that first time I held her in the small orphanage room in
And then there is another memory I have of my youngest daughter. On the day I was to see her for the first time I sat on a hard wooden chair in a large room in
You have memories too. Let’s cherish them. There is power in remembering.
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The Power of Forgetting
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
“Sometimes I almost forget that I’m adopted,” my youngest one said the other morning. I looked at her for a moment while her words sank in.
It has been over seven years now since I brought her home from the orphanage. Her adjustment was not easy. No, there were many days and nights when I wondered if she would ever attach to me. But today is different. Very different,
“Sometimes I almost forget too,” I responded giving her a big hug. It is true. She is so much a part of my life that it is like we were always together. We laugh together and there is that special closeness that is difficult to put into words. I knew it when we began to experience it.
“Sometimes I forget that my skin is darker than yours,” my oldest joined in.
“I forget too,” my youngest answered with a big grin. “You look just like me.”
Love has a way of helping you to see what is most important. Love also causes you to forget what is insignificant.
Adoption is a journey. It starts in the heart and continues to grow as your hearts become knit tightly together.
Adoption has changed my life. If you have ever considered adoption I urge you to look into it. If I can help in any way please
Contact me at 540-825-1134.
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Tips For the Overwhelmed Parent
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
It doesn’t take much to cause it to happen. Life spins at such a crazy pace. Parents juggle an insane amount of activities.
Children hurry here and there. Appliances break down. Toilets drip. Dogs bark. Phones ring. Babies whine. And then it happens. Emotions which have been held hostage all day suddenly unloose and pour over anyone and everyone within distance leaving you feeling worse off than before.
So how do you keep from being overwhelmed?
Let me share 3 steps which are guaranteed to help.
First, stay in one day at a time. The tendency is to look back to yesterday or forward to tomorrow. But none of us are equipped to handle more than one day. When you begin to mentally wander pull yourself back. Tell yourself, “God and I can handle today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.”
Today is the gift we hold in our hands. Refuse to pile the regrets of yesterday or the worries about tomorrow into this day. Live today, today. Give it all you’ve got.
Second, when you find yourself facing a complex task break it down into small manageable tasks. Then start working on the first step. I remember well the time I held my eight month old daughter in my arms and someone said, “How are you going to raise her as a teenager?” Those words overwhelmed me at the moment. I was dealing with diapers, bottles, and just beginning to learn her having adopted her the month before. I decided to deal with each developmental stage as it came along working to make that the very best. Whenever the school year begins and I, a homeschool mom of two, look at the amount of work we need to accomplish it is easy to feel overwhelmed. But when I discipline myself to just tackling the first page, the first subject, and the first assignment I feel myself relax. It can be done.
Last, keep an attitude of thankfulness. Somehow that positive focus wards off the snowballing of negative emotions. It also is contagious. When I am thankful my children are influenced by it. The atmosphere of our home is pleasant and restful. Everything flows more smoothly. So even if one more unexpected thing happens we are ready to handle it as just a normal part of life.
So the next time things begin to go crazy at your home, keep focused on just one day, break down the task, and foster a spirit of thankfulness.
And a tall glass of lemonade helps too.
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Slow it Down
Friday, June 25, 2010
The small plaque hangs on my office wall. I frequently read it. ‘Slow me down, O Lord.’ I think about its message and how it speaks to my life particularly my parenting. Life seems to be speeding these days. I run it seems from morning to night. Usually the best time for me to think is during my literal morning 4 mile run. It is then when the wind is blowing through my hair and my feet are pounding the pavement that my thoughts wrestle with how to slow it all down.
My first thought is that it is impossible. We live in a fast paced world. It doesn’t matter how much slower is better. The world is moving and we must keep up.
But I know the statistics are in. This constant racing is not good for anyone’s health. It certainly is not good for growing children.
No, don’t believe that it is impossible to slow down. But I do think that it is difficult at least in the beginning. Change is always hard. We resist it. We feel the necessity to keep up. But there are things that intentional parents can do to slow down the pace of life. In an effort to prevent the Hurried Child syndrome and many other illnesses I encourage parents to use wisdom, filter activities, and intentionally focus on creating a place of rest at home.
It’s all about making a choice to add some things and take away some others.
For instance taking a vacation of at least a week each year helps our family to slow that perpetual motion and create a peaceful sanctuary. Spending time in nature encourages a calmer rhythm. This is one activity on our ‘must’ list. Then throughout the year we take some long weekends to pull away and move into more peace.
We also take time away from technology. There are times when the computer and TV are off, the cell phones are silent and calm music is playing.
There are times when we linger around the table just to talk.
Encouraging your kids to slow down will begin to build a calm center within them. It doesn’t happen over night but it will happen. In the process you too will benefit. So come on parents. Let’s work to intentionally slow it down. You’ll be glad that you did.
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The Importance of Waiting
Friday, June 18, 2010
We recently vacationed in
While on vacation I pondered the ways that I am parenting my girls. My oldest is now seventeen and I watch her growing more mature and independent teach day. My youngest is now a bouncy ten year old. She is also growing up quickly. Both love life. While in
One of our favorite experiences after lunch is to visit the local stores. Some of our much loved places are Whispering Sands,
It is probably harder for my youngest daughter. She sees and knows immediately what she likes. But she waits like we all do until Buying Day. Then with smiles on our faces and money in our pockets we purchase jewelry, candy, hoodies, etc. This year I found a beautiful fountain and I look forward to listening to the flowing water and remembering our time in
Parents need to teach their children to wait. Impulse buying and impulse living continue to plague our society. Adults struggle with it as much as kids. But learning to say no to oneself is a wise habit to develop. In a world of speed and instant gratification, teaching the importance of waiting almost seems archaic. Its value is too important to miss though.
How about you? Parents must learn to wait before we can teach our children. Begin to give yourself time before responding. Wait before answering that email. Think before texting. Pray before speaking your mind. I think I’ll always find it difficult but I know that to wait is to gain. So teach your children to wait. One day they just might thank you.
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Transforming a Bad Day
Monday, May 24, 2010
It was a parenting nightmare. I had only been home from
There she sat surrounded by at least 5 thousands books (yes, I know that I am exaggerating) which she had pulled off her bookshelf. Some had book jackets ripped off. Jenny looked up at me watching to see what I would do. My heart sank at beginning the day this way but I reached for a book and began to put it back on the shelf. Jenny reached for it and began to pull it from me.
“Oh no,” I thought. “Not again.” I lifted her up knowing that I had to turn this day around fast or it was going to be a very bad, terrible, awful day.
I knew that she was very sensitive to the look on my face. So I intentionally put a pleasant face. In order to do that I began to think of what I had to be thankful for. Hmm, most days did not begin this way. I was also thankful that it takes a lot to get me upset. I was also thankful that God knew everything and that He would give me all I needed. As I thought about that I began to praise Him and my stress began to decrease.
I thanked Him that I had this situation to deal with. This child was my child and no matter how difficult the parenting moment it was just that. A moment.
Do you see how I began to transform my bad day? It all happened within a few minutes as I prepared breakfast. I turned on some music, redirected my problem filled thoughts to something positive, took a bite of a banana and a swallow of hot coffee. Within minutes I was feeling better and little Jenny was relaxing too.
No matter how your day is going today, remember that you can turn it around. Oh you might not be able to change all the details. Those books still needed to be picked up. But you can change yourself so that you have more peace and more energy . My children need me to set the emotional tone of our home. When I am calm and my thoughts are filled with gratitude and faith, my children are also more settled and contented.
Every parent has bad days. But you can turn around those moments. You can take charge of the situation and transform it. Change is never easy but just now imagine having the ability to transform those bad days.
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