The Importance of Honesty
Monday, January 26, 2009
We've been talking a lot about honesty lately in our family. It all began when my oldest daughter heard from her friends about Facebook. Smile. As most caring parents will do I looked into Facebook and talked with a few other parents whom I trust. As I gathered information it appeared to be a way to connect with friends in a safe way. But I had reservations.
Like anything else new though I agreed to explore it slowly and carefully. Well, my fifteen year old and I both joined Facebook. We discussed and set reasonable limits. And so far it's been an interesting experience.
Within the first twenty four hours I connected with a friend that I had not heard from in many years. What joy it is to be in touch with her again. Noelle quickly connected with many friends and also led the way in adding photos.
So what does this have to do with honesty?
If I did not trust my daughter I would not have allowed her to join Facebook at fifteen. There are too many possibilities for poor choices. But we have worked for fifteen years to instill this precious value of honesty in her life. As a result I am willing to grant her more freedom as she grows older.
Trust is the foundation of a strong family. It is something which is carefully laid and tended over the years. Children are all different. Some struggle more in this area then others but one thing is always true. Honesty and trust begin with the parent.
Yes, we must live trustworthy lives before our children day in and day out. Our example impacts their lives much more than we think. So let's make honesty a goal in our lives. Society speaks a different message but honesty always pays.
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Building a Strong Family
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Although it's been a few weeks since Christmas I frequently reflect on the quiet joy that brightened that day. Our family is continuing to grow stronger. Those bonds of love are beautiful to see. I smile when I look down at the tan moccasins on my feet right now. They represent another visible connection we have with each other.
A few weeks before Christmas, I was brainstorming with my oldest daughter about possible ideas for gifts. We had agreed to three gifts this year. Ideas were tossed back and forth and then she said it, "Moccasins! How about matching moccasins?"
I smiled at the idea. Jenny, my eight year old, is interested in anything related to Indians. I knew that she would be thrilled to have her own pair of moccasins and to match with her big sister and mommy. Noelle, my fifteen year old, likes shoes of any color and style but moccasins just seemed to suit her relaxed personality. And I enjoy matching with my two daughters. So moccasins it was.
We shopped around quite a bit in order to find just the right style. Finally we found them online and ordered the three pairs. We could not have been more pleased when they arrived. But Christmas morning was the highlight when I saw both girls open their boxes containing the new tan moccasins with soft plush insides.
Since that morning we have each worn our matching shoes many times. They speak of a deep heart connection which lasts wherever we go.
Matching clothing or shoes etc. might be something you would like to consider for your adopted family. Encouraging individuality has a place but let's not forget what holds us together. Growing strong adoptive families happens one day at a time. One decision. One memory. One step after another.
Be intentional this year as you build your family. The results will be much greater than you might think.
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Seeds of Adoption
Sunday, January 11, 2009
"Mommy, am I adopted?" I remember asking years ago. It was a time in my life when I was grappling with identity issues. Patiently and firmly my mother reassured me that I was really her biological daughter. Yes, I even remember thinking that maybe when I was a baby in the hospital I accidently was sent home with the wrong parents.
As foolish as those ideas were they were the beginning of my awareness of adoption. A few years later my aunt and uncle adopted a little girl. Another seed was planted. Do you remember The Roy Rogers and Dale Evans Program? My brother and I watched it every Saturday morning when we were kids. Roy Rogers was my hero. When I was nine we saw Roy and Dale in person at a show in Kansas City. The highlight of the event for me was at the end when all of their children came out on the stage. Many of their children were adopted.
How wonderful it would be, I thought, to have an international family of my own. I dreamed of having little children from many different countries.
But the years went by quickly and thoughts of adoption never surfaced, Until....
Sometime in my forties I realized that my chances for my dream family with a mommy and a daddy and a white picket fence around their little home with lots of children playing, was fading.
"You could still adopt," a friend said. But I was reluctant to even consider raising a child as a single parent.
"Check it out," the same voice continued. So I did and today sixteen years later I am joyfully raising two girls precious. The seeds planted years earlier grew.
When did you first think about adopting? Can you trace it back. More often than not seeds were planted years before you finally adopted. I don't believe it was an accident that I finally adopted. It was part of God's plan for my life all along.
My girls frequently tell me that they are going to adopt too? I won't be surprised when they do.
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When The Unexpected Happens
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Welcome to the New Year! My prayer is that this year will be not only filled with blessings but also a satisfying one as you work to build a healthy, loving family. Raising children can be draining. Raising adopted children can challenge every part of you. But with just a few changes your energy can increase and your family life can become even more rewarding.
Our holidays were seriously dampened when we received the news of my brother's unexpected death. Although neither of my girls had developed a close relationship with their uncle, hearing of his death was difficult for them. Immediately I sensed the drain of energy and the blanket of sadness enfolding us. All around us it seemed like the world was celebrating but within our hearts there was a quiet, painful grief.
So, what positive steps could we take which would really make a difference?
First, we traveled to a nearby city and checked into a familiar motel. There I shared memory after memory of my big brother going back to the time we were living in Allentown PA up until the time my oldest daughter and I visited him in his apartment.
We laughed and giggled over old photos. Somehow this sacred time together drew us closer than ever. It was a healing time. A restorative time.
Second, we met with a few friends with whom we could talk and speak comfortably of our loss. How very true, that a burden shared is lighter. Over a delicious meal which we all will never forget our hearts were warmed and comforted.
Lastly, we continue to give each other grace. Life happens. There is no better time to hug our children, to reassure them of our love and commitment and to let them experience God's healing grace one day at a time. Our plans were changed. We didn't do all the things we had planned to do this Christmas but it was all good. God's grace continues to wash over our lives giving us hope and renewed energy.
So may this new year be filled with energy for you and your family. When the unexpected happens..and it will..take some positive steps. Your children will be glad you did. And so will you.
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