Knowing Your Child

Monday, June 22, 2009

It can not be said enough. Knowing adopted your child, knowing their heart, must come before focusing on their behavior. It is all too easy to allow the behavior to hook us into actions, consequences, etc.  By doing that we might easily miss the heart of our child and forfeit another opportunity to build a stronger relationship.

Knowing the heart of your child must be done intentionally and consistently. It takes time. Build frequent one on one times with your child. Sometimes just a trip in the car to do an errand can be transformed into a special bonding time. Meal times also can be used to promote discussions revealing the heart of your child. Playing together gives your child an opportunity in a playful context to relate with their parents/

For me, knowing my child (children) takes studying him/her diligently. Children are all different. They have their own unique personality. The wonder grows as we spend time to grow deeper into know them, appreciating their developmental stage and also the context of that child within the whole family system.

Spend time intentionally focusing on knowing your adopted child. It will make all the difference in your parenting.

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Vacations, Airplanes and Adoption

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Just a few hours ago I arrived home from a vacation in Maine. Each year I take my two daughters to York Beach Maine where we enjoy the simple life for a week. Simple. Not rugged. We stay in a lovely room right on the beach. All through the night we can hear the ocean rolling in and out. We walk everywhere as we have no car. So no matter what the weather we walk. My two daughters love it and so do I. It’s a time of renewal and refreshment.

Coming home this time on the plane was a couple with a little daughter who looked to be about seven months old. She cried and cried. It brought back memories of my flights home after adopting my daughters from Russia. One was about seven months old when I brought her home. Thankfully she took the flight extremely well sleeping most of the way and when awake just made eyes at the men. My other daughter was two at the time of her trip home. She too flew beautifully being curious about everything. No tears. No upsets.

But not all adopted children handle transitions and change well.  Parents who adopt learn to know their child and to prepare for the unexpected. That continues throughout the parenting journey, doesn’t it? Life happens and when it does we must focus on what we know and parent with confidence. How do we get that confidence? There are many ways some of which are consulting with professional resources such as physicians, counselors, coaches, support groups, spiritual resources, books, research, etc.

Hold onto the truth that you will be given all you need to parent your child. I do believe that. If you want to speak with a coach who has had personal experience in working with adopted children call me at 540-825-1134.  Working together will make a difference.

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