Building Attachment
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Attachment is an essential part of a child's development. A child's feelings of attachment to special people and the world around him influence his socialization, his intellectual development and his identity formation.
In infancy building attachment is fairly easy. With children adopted at an older age or with special needs though, building attachment can be more challenging. Using times when the child's defenses are lower such as when they are sick or hurt makes this easier.
Shortly after I had returned from Russia with my youngest who had just turned three, she came down with a virus. I remember the joy I felt when she wanted to me to sit and hold her. I immediately changed my schedule in order to spend more time with her. I knew that this was a window of opportunity which would pass but I wanted to plant as many seeds of love as I could. We spent hours together talking. I fixed her favorite chicken noodle soup and we ate together. I read her stories and told her many stories about my experience in adopting her.
Yes, in a few days she was feeling much better. Not only had her high temperature dropped but also her desire to sit still with me for any significant amount of time. She was well and back in control of her little life. I smile when I remember my sadness. Those moments had been so precious. But it wouldn't be long before she was willing to cuddle with me.
I continued to persevere in building an attachment with her through many different ways. I learned to be sensitive to her signals and to provide many different positive encounters. Slowly a deep bond of love was formed between us. I marvel today how close she is to me.
Don't become discouraged if sometimes your efforts to build attachment are thwarted. Keep a vision of the relationship you longed to have with your adopted child and keep moving forward. Love never gives up!
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