Beware Labels
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
So many children are labeled as having Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, Oppositional Defiant, PTSD, RAD, etc and their negative behavior keeps being reinforced.
Research shows that when they are given pizzaz for the positive and held accountable for their misdeeds these kids do a remarkable turn-around.
It pays to learn how to turn around difficult kids. Often they have been stuck in a cycle of disappointment and defeat for years.
But don’t give up hope.
Moms and Dads are proud when they see their child change and begin to head down a different direction.
Sound too good to be true?
Join me on a journey of nurturing their heart. You’ll be so glad you did.
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School Decisions
Friday, August 13, 2010
In a few weeks the school buses will roll and another school year will begin. For many families the decision of where their child will get their education is a big issue. Adoptive families frequently look at this decision long with many others through a slightly different lens.
These are some of the comments that I have heard recently.
“After all we went through I want to be SURE that they get the best education possible,” one mother shared a few weeks ago. “I just don’t know where to send her.”
“The public schools in our area are so supportive of adoption. I know that my child will do well.”
“My son is already having a difficult time feeling like he belongs in our family. I hesitate to send him into another stressful situation.”
“I’d like to home school but I’m not sure that I can do it.”
I know adoptive families who have chosen to send their children to public school. Others who have sent theirs to private school. And some who have made the commitment to home school.
There is no perfect way. In making the decision parents are wise to know their child and consider the environment in which they will best learn. Children who have been adopted sometimes struggle with learning issues or have identity issues. The informed parent studies the options and works to meet the needs of their child. Visit the schools in your area. Talk to the principals and teachers. Speak with others who have adopted children attending schools in your area.
Then carefully and prayerfully decide. Get involved in the education of your children. Volunteer. Lend a hand. Be supportive. Stay involved.
Make this year the best year of your child’s life. In doing so you will be teaching your child to value education and helping him to become a lifelong learner.
Sometimes talking this decision over with a coach helps. If I can help give me a call at 540-825-1134.
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The Risk
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
“But it’s such a risk,” people said. “You have no idea what you will get.”
“What if…?”
“But you can’t return it,”
“How will you know?”
These are just a few of the questions and statements that I heard as I prepared to adopt. It is true. Adoption is a risk. But life is a risk. From the moment when you get up in the morning and get out of bed, it’s a risk. So pointing out the fact of the risk did not phase me.
I tend to be conservative. I don’t like roller coasters or change or sky diving. But I might just try a hot air balloon ride or a new food or a new adventure. All that is to say that we choose our risks and mine are usually low risks.
But when I saw a little face with eyes that were sad I knew that she was worth the risk. She was trapped in a system and helpless to save herself. So I left to travel halfway around the world to give her a love that would last forever and a family.
“How will you ever raise her?,” the large Russian nurse said looking down at me from her towering height. At the time I had no idea what she meant. I stretched my full 5 foot 1 and ½ inches, looked up at her and said, “I’ll do fine, thank you.” Inside though, I quivered wondering what she meant.
It was a risk.
Again seven years later I stepped out and took another risk.
“You don’t want to do that,” I was advised by doctors looking over the medical.
“But, yes I do,” I argued. “I believe that she is the child that I have been looking for.”
And she was. Healthy in every way. Full of personality. It’s been right.
Life is a risk. Adoption is a risk. Precious children wait while we debate the riskiness of the situation.
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You Are Mine
Monday, July 26, 2010
“I just don’t think I could raise someone else’s child,” she said shaking her head with fear. This middle aged woman who had struggled with infertility for years was considering adoption.
I remember feeling so sad.
She had not yet seen the power of love in action. I too had always expected to get married and have children. From the time I was 5 playing with my dolls I planned on having at least a half a dozen of my own children. But the years came and went and my life unfolded in a different way.
Both times I adopted I knew my daughters were gifts from God. I often thought about their beginnings and the women who gave birthed them. I knew that they were His little ones. And my calling to raise them was clear.
Day after day love drew our hearts together with an incredible bond.
A few years ago while at the beach I was working on a children’s story. Jenny, my youngest, came over and asked me what I was writing. She is always curious.
“Well, it is called “You Are Mine” I said to her.
“Read it to me” she begged. “Please.” So I began.
“Once there was a little girl who needed a Mommy…”
Before I could get any further she burst out laughing.
“That’s about me,” she squealed with delight. “Right, Mommy?”
“Yes, honey. You are mine.” We rubbed noses and then she skipped off to play. I watched her for a while. It had taken her awhile to bond with me having adopted her as a toddler. But when she did it has been so beautiful.
Now when I speak with folks who are thinking about possibly adopting that memory comes to mind. You see, love always makes a way. In the parent and in the child.
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Russian Rainbows
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Recently my oldest daughter started a project of making bracelets. She named her business Russian Rainbows. It has been exciting seeing the interest grow.
I will let her tell you about it herself.
~ Russian Rainbows ~
By: Noelle Brani:)
I've been making these bracelets for about a year as a simple past time. When I gave them to people they really liked them. Requests started coming in and I was thrilled.
After praying about it I decided to sell them for $1 each and send any money I would make to missionaries in Russia.
Write me and let me know how many you would like and any color preferences.
-You can order a bracelet through my Russian Rainbows Facebook page or leave a message here.Posted in Adoption , Inspirational : 3 Comments
The Power of Remembering
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Last week I shared with all of you the importance of forgetting. Healing oftentimes involves forgetting those things which burden and hinder the forming of healthy bonds.
Along with the importance of forgetting we must also be aware of the importance of remembering. Lately I have been remembering alot. Maybe its my Mom’s upcoming birthday and missing her or maybe its just nostalgia but my mind has been traveling down yesterday’s roads. The sights and sounds of summertime arouse memories which I don’t ever want to forget. But more than all of these is the day that I saw each of my daughter’s for the very first time.
It’s engraved in my mind the day that I was given a small colored photo of a little baby wrapped in a blanket. What struck me were her deep, serious eyes.
“She needs to smile,” I said. From that moment on I wasn’t able to get that picture out of my mind. Love drew me to her and within weeks I brought Noelle home. Quickly she bonded with me and was lighting up the world with laughter and love. Quickly her big brown eyes were alive and filled with hope. But that first picture. Oh, it spoke loudly to my heart. I will always remember.
I remember that first time I held her in the small orphanage room in
And then there is another memory I have of my youngest daughter. On the day I was to see her for the first time I sat on a hard wooden chair in a large room in
You have memories too. Let’s cherish them. There is power in remembering.
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The Power of Forgetting
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
“Sometimes I almost forget that I’m adopted,” my youngest one said the other morning. I looked at her for a moment while her words sank in.
It has been over seven years now since I brought her home from the orphanage. Her adjustment was not easy. No, there were many days and nights when I wondered if she would ever attach to me. But today is different. Very different,
“Sometimes I almost forget too,” I responded giving her a big hug. It is true. She is so much a part of my life that it is like we were always together. We laugh together and there is that special closeness that is difficult to put into words. I knew it when we began to experience it.
“Sometimes I forget that my skin is darker than yours,” my oldest joined in.
“I forget too,” my youngest answered with a big grin. “You look just like me.”
Love has a way of helping you to see what is most important. Love also causes you to forget what is insignificant.
Adoption is a journey. It starts in the heart and continues to grow as your hearts become knit tightly together.
Adoption has changed my life. If you have ever considered adoption I urge you to look into it. If I can help in any way please
Contact me at 540-825-1134.
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Slow it Down
Friday, June 25, 2010
The small plaque hangs on my office wall. I frequently read it. ‘Slow me down, O Lord.’ I think about its message and how it speaks to my life particularly my parenting. Life seems to be speeding these days. I run it seems from morning to night. Usually the best time for me to think is during my literal morning 4 mile run. It is then when the wind is blowing through my hair and my feet are pounding the pavement that my thoughts wrestle with how to slow it all down.
My first thought is that it is impossible. We live in a fast paced world. It doesn’t matter how much slower is better. The world is moving and we must keep up.
But I know the statistics are in. This constant racing is not good for anyone’s health. It certainly is not good for growing children.
No, don’t believe that it is impossible to slow down. But I do think that it is difficult at least in the beginning. Change is always hard. We resist it. We feel the necessity to keep up. But there are things that intentional parents can do to slow down the pace of life. In an effort to prevent the Hurried Child syndrome and many other illnesses I encourage parents to use wisdom, filter activities, and intentionally focus on creating a place of rest at home.
It’s all about making a choice to add some things and take away some others.
For instance taking a vacation of at least a week each year helps our family to slow that perpetual motion and create a peaceful sanctuary. Spending time in nature encourages a calmer rhythm. This is one activity on our ‘must’ list. Then throughout the year we take some long weekends to pull away and move into more peace.
We also take time away from technology. There are times when the computer and TV are off, the cell phones are silent and calm music is playing.
There are times when we linger around the table just to talk.
Encouraging your kids to slow down will begin to build a calm center within them. It doesn’t happen over night but it will happen. In the process you too will benefit. So come on parents. Let’s work to intentionally slow it down. You’ll be glad that you did.
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The Importance of Waiting
Friday, June 18, 2010
We recently vacationed in
While on vacation I pondered the ways that I am parenting my girls. My oldest is now seventeen and I watch her growing more mature and independent teach day. My youngest is now a bouncy ten year old. She is also growing up quickly. Both love life. While in
One of our favorite experiences after lunch is to visit the local stores. Some of our much loved places are Whispering Sands,
It is probably harder for my youngest daughter. She sees and knows immediately what she likes. But she waits like we all do until Buying Day. Then with smiles on our faces and money in our pockets we purchase jewelry, candy, hoodies, etc. This year I found a beautiful fountain and I look forward to listening to the flowing water and remembering our time in
Parents need to teach their children to wait. Impulse buying and impulse living continue to plague our society. Adults struggle with it as much as kids. But learning to say no to oneself is a wise habit to develop. In a world of speed and instant gratification, teaching the importance of waiting almost seems archaic. Its value is too important to miss though.
How about you? Parents must learn to wait before we can teach our children. Begin to give yourself time before responding. Wait before answering that email. Think before texting. Pray before speaking your mind. I think I’ll always find it difficult but I know that to wait is to gain. So teach your children to wait. One day they just might thank you.
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Musings after Mother's Day
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Well Mother’s Day has come and gone. I hope that yours was special. We did something different this year. After my girls had prepared for me a lovely breakfast of homemade blueberry pancakes and we had eaten, we packed our bags and slipped away to motel which had an indoor pool. My youngest had no idea of what we were doing so was completely surprised. There time stood still for a few hours. We laughed and played in the water, munched on roast beef sandwiches and watched some special DVDs.
There secluded away in our little room we connected in a deeper way. Conversations were not interrupted by life’s demands. There was no internet, no cell phones. No problems. Just the joy of being together and celebrating. We stayed up late but awoke refreshed the next morning.
All too soon we needed to re-enter the busyness of life. But we did it knowing that there is harmony in our family. Together we will continue to live and love and laugh. Together we will grow. I love the spontaneous adventures in life, don’t you?
It takes so little to make a special memory. What have you done lately with your family? I’m already planning our next adventure.
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