Handling Those Questions
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Children must be taught how to handle questions about their adoption status. Questions frequently come up at school and children need direction and specific strategies that not only let them preserve their privacy but also serve to educate others.
One way that children learn how to handle questions is just by listening to the responses of their parents. When you are asked questions about your child or adoption, give people answers that you want your child to hear. Sometimes just practicing answers gives children confidence in how to handle them easily when they come. They will come. One question that my girls have been asked on more than one occasion is, "Is that your Real sister?" They have both learned to respond honestly with "Yes, she is my real sister." Usually the next question is, "No, you know what I mean. Is she your real sister?" They then respond, "Yes, she is my real sister through adoption."
As people see the confidence children have with their own story they frequently begin to relax. It is impossible to have a ready answer for every probing question. Sometimes you might be caught off guard. Your adopted child, for instance, might be asked something for which they have no response. That is when the parent needs to be ready to step in and help your child cope. Validate his feelings about inappropriate questions. Ask your child how you can help. You may decide that it is best to talk with school officials or the classroom teacher. But many times it is best to empower your child by letting them handle the situation in their own way. More often than not the best protection you can give is by teaching your child how to respond.
Finally, every question does not need to be answered. You are not required to be open with everyone. Instead you must be sensitive to the feelings of your adopted child. Questions can often sting and cause wounds. Learn to communicate well with your child and together you will be able to avoid much pain and also help to educate others.
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