Knowing Your Child
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
It is important as we work to build strong families to be sensitive to not only the external or obvious need of each child but also their hidden needs. This can be done in many different ways but I will mention three here.
1) Our children must know and continue to have a sense of wonder about their personal story- their life including there adoption story. We have a special day each year in December when we celebrate the adoption of both girls. It has varied from having an open house when we invite friends and family to come to our home for food and fun, to going out to eat for a special meal with grandparents. Whatever we do we make it a point to highlight the different aspects of each girl’s adoption. We celebrate their lives and encourage them as they grow and develop in every area of their lives.
2) Our children must be taught and encouraged to celebrate their heritage as well as their present life. Over the years I have gathered and used some Russian recipes. Nothing tastes better than a hot bowl of Russian borscht or a Russian sweet. The girls enjoy learning Russian words and singing Russian songs. We have used the book Teach me Russian by Judy Mahoney and Russian Picture Word Book by Svetlana Rogers and Barbara Steadman among others. No matter what the heritage of your child make sure that you nurture it. Its part of the wonder of your child.
3) Another way to help our children meet their own needs comes from studying the unique qualities of their personality. My youngest child is artistic, deeply sensitive and very curious. My oldest daughter however is very sociable, laid back, musical and adventurous. Although they are at different developmental stages they both enjoy listening to stories whenever we gather in the family room to read a good book together. They both enjoy cooking and helping in the kitchen. They both enjoy having friends over and planning for special occasions. While the one will get involved making placemats and hanging decorations the other will be busy planning the menu and calling her friends.
In the busyness of life it is easy to parent with a one size fits all mentality. Research shows that knowing each child and helping him become has rich dividends.. Yes, it may take more time and effort but it is well worth it. Next time we will discuss more ways to build a strong adoptive family.
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