Questions
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Although it is changing society has a difficult time dealing with adoption in general.
Many people mean well but they are uneducated about adoption. I had only been home from Russia a few days with my seven month old daughter when I decided to take her to visit a neighbor down the street. Unfortunately an out of town relative was at the house and as I introduced my little girl he began scowling and asking questions.
"Why did you adopt from out of the country? Aren't there any children in America that you could adopt?" His look of disapproval was obvious as he gazed at my baby.
Initially I was surprised by his negative words. But I quickly realized that rather than debate the pros and cons of international adoption it was wiser to simply emphasize the special place she now had in our family. Any further discussion could take place at another time. In the many other conversations which have followed that day I have continued to affirm the role of my adopted daughter in my family.
Most questions can be handled by asking:
•· Is this information I want to discuss with anyone?
•· Do I want to wait to discuss this with the person?
•· Do I want to discuss it now?
It's important for parents to not give out information that they have not first shared with their child. The decision to share information about a child's background or reasons for adoption belongs to their adopted child.
So if you ever get caught off guard try one of these approaches.
•· Humor
•· Deferring (please call me at home)
•· Deflecting the question (Why do you want to know?)
Children need to be empowered to handle questions about their adoption status. We will discuss that next time.
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