The Difference of Adoption
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
"I'm tired of always being different!"
Those words were spoken a few weeks ago by my fifteen year old. They struck me withsuch force the day they were spoken and they still do today.
Different! How teenagers struggle with being different. At a time in their life when they long to belong and fit in being different causes one to feel like the ugly duckling in a poolof ducks. It gives only little comfort to share that one day they will see that those very same differences are part of their uniqueness. It really doesn't help to explain all that is valuable about those differences.
No, maybe the best we can do it so accept the feelings of our teenager and be there for them. Just giving them a place to share their painful feelings is far more valuable then we might ever realize.
I remember feeling quite different as a fifteen year old. Glasses, braces and plain clothes while all my friends seemed to be dressed in more expensive clothing contributed in part to my feelings of being different. I also remember looking at my parents and wondering how in the world I had come to be.
"Am I adopted?" I even asked one day. Even being told no did not really soothe those trouble feelings of being different. Somehow I grew beyond the pain and began to realize how normal this stage is.
But today I have my own fifteen year old who was adopted. Born in Russia she has been with me since she was six months old. In some ways she is different than me. I am glad to admit that. But in many ways we are the same.
In time she too will begin to see that different is ...well different. Not bad or good. Just different. For our family formed by adoption different is a strength. Even our two dogs are different.
How do you handle differences in your family?
Oh Lord, help me to continue to see Your wisdom in differences. Without them how boring this world would be. Please help me to patiently accept the differences in others and in myself.
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